Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
