Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
