I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
