I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
