I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
