How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
