He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
