There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
