just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
