capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
