I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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