Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
