strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
