none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
