whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
