you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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