I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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