i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
