I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
