I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
