at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found puke in my bra..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i out mim tonsoeep
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