his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We left the knife in your bed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
