he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
