Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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