That reminds me...we need to get swords
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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