I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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