Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
