Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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