I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
