This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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