The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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