remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my liver is dry heaving
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
