peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
