I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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