you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
