I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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