who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
