This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
