I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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