3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
