he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
