If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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