The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
