He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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