U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
