you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
