Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think my moral compass just broke
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