Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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