I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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