definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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