is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
