Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I smell like Dick and happiness
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