so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
